Thursday, September 22, 2011

Great news!

Great news, everybody! I just got to the bottom of a thrice refilled cup of coffee.

Some context? Sure, some context: Because I love mother nature so much that all the dry humping I dry hump her with doesn't feel like enough, sometimes I'll use a cup from the previous day as part of my Reduce/Refuse/Tricycle/Or/Some/Shit regimen of really loving mother earth. And today's cup came from yesterday.

And upon finishing my third cup -- my third cup, but the first that I drained right down to its dreggiest dregs -- I remembered a brief interaction I had with my girlfriend's young son as he got off of yesterday's bus.

Bb: Hi, Bubba
Bubba: Do the blog readers know my name's not "Bubba?"
Bb: Oh, that's cute. I don't have any actual readers.
Bubba: None?
Bb: Maybe one. I have one follower, see.
Bubba: Does Patty Smith know my name's not really "Bubba?"
Bbus Dribber: Stop holding the goddamn bus back, fucknut.
Bubba: That's no way to talk to youngsters.
Bbus Drubba: I'm not talking to youngsters that way. I'm talking to fucknut over here. The dickbag with that douchie-ass hat.
DickBbag: I'm not sure I even know who's who and what's where right now. Wasn't I just about to get some coffee or make a little flippy-flop with mother earth or something?
Castro: Somebody's about to get a foot up their ass.
Mother Earth: Just tell them about your coffee, Ddude.
Bubba: Mr. Bernard, I call you that sometimes, don't I? "Mr. Bernard."
Bb: Yup.
Bubba: And you call me "Bubba" sometimes, right, Mr. Bernard?
Bb: Indeed.
Bubba: And it sort of allows you to maintain some degree of anonymity while still kinda recreating the feel of the interaction, yes?
Bb: Verily.
Bubba: Well, Mr. Bernard, can you do me a favor and hold this?
*reaches out with a hand full of what I can only assume is a yak booger*
Bb: What is that, gum?
Bubba: No, it's slime.
Bb: What do you mean, "slime." is it, like, a candy called slime? Or a toy?
Bubba: It's slime.
Bb: Ok, yes. But, I mean, like, is it -
Bubba: Can play tag with Braden?
Bb: Yes.
Bbusa-bus: Are we done here, or what?
Cuppa Coffee: so did you just throw that shit in me? Is that the moral of this bullshit story?
Bb: Yes.
Cuppa Coffee: Blarf
iPhone: you do this whole post on me?
iBb: All but the blarfing, which I couldn't do without Linux.
Penguin: I'm gonna throw up.

Read your Bibles, people. Read your Bibles.



  1. ew! you got yak splooge in yer cuppa, Bb.

  2. You're not talking about THE Patti Smith, are you? Because she's totes famous and shit.

    Patty Smith is un-famous and knows basic html.